"Best needle you've heard/given/received at the table?" a redditor wrote.
“Two bickering idiots at a 3/6 limit table eons ago,”
"Idiot 1 after losing a big kill pot, “Man you must watch a lot of gay porn.”
Idiot 2 without hesitation, “I must because you look really familiar.""
– "Not really a needle, but I saw someone who was tanking against an all in and apologized for taking a long time, and villain responded “no worries, take as long as you need to call me”. That one really tickled me"
– "Home game tournament years ago. Little brother knocks out older brother after like 5 hands. As he collects the chips the little brother says, completely deadpan: “you’re getting better.”"
– "I started playing this raked home game when I was 16, I was by far the youngest there but played regularly 3 times a week for a few months at that point. My dad played a little poker and heard about it and wanted to come, so I brought him. No one really realized who he was besides the game runner just that he was a new player. I stack him like an hour into the game and he gets up and points to me and says I'm going to f*** your mother tonight, everyone stood there silently thinking who is this crazy new guy until I told them and they all started laughing."
– "A guy had been playing for hours and when the table broke, he said something like “I’m only up $10.”
Without missing a beat, the dealer said “I made more money than you did!” We all died laughing. The dude took it like a good sport."
– "Some girl was being really obnoxious and everyone at the table hated her, bonus because she thought she was really good. She was your typical full make up and nails type, hot for a poker player but average outside.
Some guy had enough and said “you know, you really aren’t attractive enough to be this unlikable.” I don’t think she recovered at all from it."
– "At a 1-2 table with an old lady who was celebrating her birthday. As new people came to the table she would tell them it was her birthday and most people wished her a happy birthday. A 2-5 reg came to the table trying to chip up so he could go back to 2-5. When she told him it was her birthday he said, "I don't care lady, I'm just here to get more money".
A while later she and he were in a big hand together and she felted him. As she's raking in his chips, she said sweetly "Dear, I know you want more money, so if you go over to that cage over there where it says 'CASHIER' they would be happy to get you more money.""
– “I asked the waitress to bring some salsa, but you don’t have any chips”
– "Had a guy try to string raise with a full house into OMC at an underground game. A couple other players point it out. OMC says in his old man voice, “Let him bet what he wants.” Young guy misses his lifeline and shoves into quads."
– "Chubby black man is seated at our table and he leaves. While the seat is empty we get a new dealer. The empty seat is taken by a different chubby black man and the dealer asks us if he’s a returning player. An old (like 70s or 80s) white woman on my direct right nonchalantly says “close, but no cigar”. I fucking howled.”"
– "Idr if I read this here or on Twitter or from a friend, but one guy had been going on and on about how he was reading the Harry Potter series and he knew nothing about it. He stacks some guy, and the guy stands up and says, "Snape kills Dumbledore," and leaves."
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In another thread, Reddit users shared their experiences on how to most effectively provoke opponents.
– "If you got $1,000 every time you successfully annoyed someone at the table, what would be your strategy?"
– "Body odor.
Maximizes your annoyance by not having to take an action or even say anything. Just sit down, smell like shit, get paid.
By the way the question is worded you would make millions per night."
– "Oh it's on me? How much is it?"
– "Endlessly tell bad-beat/hero-call stories."
– "Bet out of turn every hand, easy to do and very low effort trolling."
– "I would tank pre until someone had to call clock on me. Berate them for calling clock on me and then limp call so the floor man doesn't come over. Every time someone has the same hand chopping I would say "You play that garbage?"”
– "Random size and color chip stacks, big chips on the bottom and behind my small chips."
– Say “Let’s see that flop, dealer”
– "Talk politics. I don’t care where you politically align, when you read this comment you thought about someone you’ve met who has shitty political beliefs (or at least you think so) and it made you at least a little miffed lol."
– You sit down with a minimum order and push every hand. You will lose often, but it will pay off, since we get paid $1,000 on top. And sometimes you will win.
– "I don't do it but there was this one guy I would play against on ClubGG, and everytime didn't win a pot a showdown, no matter how small, he would always do the laughing face emoticon, at first I just ignored it but after like 100+ hands of him doing this I started to have a meltdown. Dude was a huge loser just some degen who would sit there and just flat call everything until he went bust and he only bought in with like 30bb, anyway I ended up telling him that he was a huge loser and he should kill himself and got banned from chat permanently, which is a good thing really because chat is so toxic in online poker.
It was really killing me because it would just be like a SRP of like 5bb it would check to river and maybe villain wins with A high vs my K high. Now he will laugh emoticon.
Next pot maybe I put in a bet with 99s one street check turn call small river bet and lose to TTs. Now he will laugh emoticon.
He would just keep doing it all day."
– "Sit there with a min buy in questioning the opponent every street, asking what cards they have and begging for them to show if I fold."
– "Hit and run!"
– "Hit and run over to the table directly next to them"
